I don’t know about y’all, but I speak NAG fluently. I have a tendency to run my mouth just a little too much sometimes, but it’s only because I care. Like I used to tell my husband: “I talk now because I give a damn, when I’m quiet it means I don’t give a f*ck!” Honestly, that’s true for me, but I guess it is true what they say, some things are better left unsaid.
According to Uptown Magazine, some of the things WE say are what’s killing our relationships. As black women, we’re known to voice our opinion just a little bit too much at times because, 1) we always gotta be right and 2) we always gotta have the last word. Well, maybe that’s just me. LOL! Anywho! Uptown Magazine compiled a list of the worst offenders and here they are:
“Are We OK? No, Really? Is Everything Really OK?”
Why You Say It: Because you honestly want to know that everything is all right within your relationship.
Why it Sucks: It’s vague and hints that there’s something specific you want to talk about. But without actually saying what’s actually bothering you, you leave your partner confused and on the defensive. Also, the answer to that question is either “yes” or “no” –so that’s about all the answer you’re typically going to get and your real issue won’t get addressed.
What to Say Instead: Try a more open-ended question to give your guy an opportunity to talk. Something like “Hey, just wanted to check in. How do you think things are going? Anything bugging you?” Or if there is something you feel bad about, address it specifically with something like: “I feel bad about missing your show last week. What can I do to make it up to you?”
** I have a tendency to ask this sometimes, but it’s like pulling teeth from my husband, I swear. It’s like he hates to talk or something and i don’t know how to pull things out of him. He waits til days, sometimes even WEEKS later to tell me what was going on that day I asked him… CRAY, right?**
“Is She Prettier/Funnier/Thinner Than Me?”
Why You Say It: Insecurities!
Why it Sucks: You’re making someone else responsible for your self-esteem and ignoring the fact that people are complicated. Sure, some girl he used to date might actually be prettier than you are. But so what? Someone somewhere will always think someone is prettier or not prettier than you are. Who cares? If your dude thinks some girl is attractive in some way, that doesn’t mean he wants to be with her more than you, and asking him to rank you against someone he may not even be thinking about is asking for trouble.
What to Say Instead: If you’re concerned that you’re slacking in some department, ask him for his advice and help with something like: “I wanna find something fun to wear to the party this weekend. What do you think will look good on me?”
** Now this one right here, I don’t have a problem with because I think I’m the cutest/prettiest thing walking. Confidence is KEY ladies**
“I Know You’re Doing [That Thing I Asked], But You’re Doing it for the Wrong Reasons!”
Why We Say It: You’re worried he doesn’t really care about you because he didn’t intuit that you wanted this thing done in this way at this time.
Why it Sucks: It’s unrealistic to think that your guy’s gonna get it right 100 percent of the time or always know what you’re thinking and why you want something done a certain way. Yes, it would be great if guys just did everything right all the time and we never had to say anything—but calorie-free chocolate covered bacon with kittens included is also great. Unfortunately neither exist. When you get mad at a guy for doing what you wanted because you think his motives weren’t as pure as the driven snow, you’re teaching him that he shouldn’t do anything for you because you’re going to get mad whether he does it or not!
What to Say Instead: “Thank you!”
**Here’s where my fluent NAG comes in right here… I’m soooo guilty of this at time. I seriously need to learn how to just say THANK YOU and keep it moving!!!**
Read the rest over at Uptown Magazine and see if you fall into any of these categories.