As you all know, I work from home and since I work from home, I watch a lot of Netflix. Netflix has been responsible for quite a few posts lately so I can’t say that watching all this TV is going in vain. LOL!!!
I was watching episodes of Desperate Housewives when I got inspired to write this post because it related to something I’ve gone through and was going through kind of recently. So here it goes a brief synopsis of what encouraged me to write this post.
During the Desperate Housewives “No Fits, No Fights, No Feuds” episode from season 3 and the characters Carlos and Gabrielle had gone through a nasty divorce and were single again and back on the prowl but soon learned that life a a new divorce(e) was pretty hard. They had to get back in the whole dating game and it wasn’t going as the two expected. Needless to say as the seasons went along, the two ended up back together living happily ever after and having two kids even though Carlos went blind in a tornado when he was hit by a flying object, but that’s another post.
While watching the episode, the narrator, which is the chick that killed herself on like the first episode, posed the question: “Why do we clutch baggage when we’re so desperate to move on?” That got me to thinking about my life and recent events that I have been going through.
Although I’ve only been divorced for 9 months, I was separated from my now ex-husband for about 3 years. For the first two years, I was scared to death of the whole idea of getting with someone else to the point where I was celibate for 15+ months and I stayed in the house as much as possible and didn’t talk to any guys. I guess I was in the process of mourning my marriage and facing the fact that it was truly over and trying to move on.
I ain’t gone lie, I desperately wanted to move on, but I just didn’t know how, and furthermore, I was afraid. I had to actually get out the house for one to actually meet guys, then determine if I even liked them and then start dating them, meeting their family, friends, etc., and I just wasn’t feeling it. It wasn’t until mid 2013 when I finally decided to get my ass out this house and start mingling a little that I realized that I could do this.
Once I got out there, it was no stopping me then, but I soon learned that it wasn’t all I thought it would be. I mean every time I log onto social media, I’m always seeing folks hollering bout “single life” this and “single life” that but my ass was wondering what the hell these folks were so happy about. There were times when I even considered just getting back with my ex-husband, but then I thought about all the bullshit he put me through and was like hell naw I’m gone have to give this a shot because I refuse to go back to that.
Here I am a little over a year later after I decided to step back out and I’m still like ‘damn this whole dating thing is a fucking unbelievable struggle’. These guys are all about the games and furthermore these fuckers are selfish as hell, oh and did I mention they love to lie.
I can’t tell you all how many times I get guys hitting me up in my inbox or whatever talking about how single they are then all of a sudden their girlfriend, wife or chick they banging tags their ass or requests to be my friend. **SIDE EYE**
BUT…. As hard as it is, I have got to give this thing a chance, but I have to admit, while watching that episode I can truly understand where they were coming from. Going from being married to divorced to single ready to mingle again is a beast. It’s like having a child that’s fully grown and having an infant child again… You have to START ALL OVER!!!
Meeting new people, getting to know them, what they like and dislike, meeting their family and friends and being concerned about whether they like you or not (even though I never give two shits about that), learning what makes them tick and oh let’s not forget learning what they are like sexually and their likes and dislikes in the bed. It is a mess and makes me want to run for the hills… For real for real!!!
Once you’re with someone for a long time, you learn so much about them whether you realize it or not and even the things they do that get on your damn nerves, you learn to deal with them a lot easier because you love and care about them so it’s not as bad as when you were first getting to know them. AND at this point in my life, I swear I have pretty much a zero tolerance for bullshit and if I detect the slightest thing that annoys the hell out of me, I get the hell on. No explanation, no questions asked, no nothing just get thee hell on.
It’s really scary out there I swear, but there was no way in hell I was going back to my ex-husband because I don’t believe in backtracking hell it only leaves to problems. Once a fucker does you a certain way and you take them back, it won’t be long before they try you again, so yeah!!!
What I’ve learned is not to be afraid of meeting someone new since things didn’t work out with my ex. I gave him a chance so I have to do the same with the next guy. The only difference now is the fact that I have an even less tolerance for BS and there are certain things I will NOT deal with nor will I overlook for the sake of “love.” I am a little older and furthermore wiser and know exactly what it is I want and don’t want and I’m not willing to settle just to say I have someone.
Relationship transitioning can truly be a beast if you let it. What you can’t do is be so afraid that you’re not willing to move on and are holding onto past hurts and pains because it will keep you alone forever and who wants that???
The answer to the question “why do we clutch baggage when we so desperately want to move on” is because we get too comfortable. We get so comfortable with the people we are with that we would rather hold on to them than move on to someone that is more right for us. We get so comfortable with how bad they may treat us at times with lying, cheating, etc., because we’re scared to try something new. Scared that trying something new might actually be good for us and make us happy, so we stay.
For example, take the wife that has been married to a cheating husband for many, many years and stays even though she knows he’s cheating and makes all kind of excuses for the reasons why she stays. “I’m staying for the kids… He’s a good provider..” But what’s worth more, your happiness or comfort? Staying with someone because of comfort is something a lot of people do, especially women, because you’re afraid to move on so you would rather hold on to the baggage you have instead of letting go and starting a new.
Have any of you experienced this? Have you had a recent breakup/divorce that left you feeling like you wanted to go back because you’re afraid to actually move on? I would love to hear from you!!!