After the whole “mourning the relationship” thing had passed, I begin to start my healing process. One of the biggest mistakes many people make, not just women, is jumping into another relationship before they have fully healed in essence dragging along a whole lot of extra baggage for the next person to deal with.
I’ve always been one to take a break between relationships because it’s just something that I’ve always believed in. Plus, I don’t like to get involved with anyone so soon after a break up because you just never know if you and your ex will get back together and now you have this third party involved.
During my healing process, I didn’t date or talk to any other guys. I really took some time to myself to evaluate myself and my situation because Lord knows I wasn’t perfect in my relationship/marriage, but I was loyal and faithful. There were so many other things I had to fix and learn about myself while being married and some of the things I learned about myself were very shocking and some things that I was truly unaware of until I got married and was in the relationship with mista for so many years.
I learned that I was very selfish in some ways. I had a bad habit of always saying “mine” for pretty much everything. That was one of the things that drove mista crazy and at times, I would do it just so I could get on his nerves because I knew it would press his buttons. LOL!!!!I also learned that I wasn’t very family oriented before meeting him. I pretty much stayed to myself even within my own family. I learned that I wasn’t very affectionate either. It took a lot for me to get used to hugging and kissing not only my husband at the time, but his family and stuff when we would part ways.
Another thing I learned is that I wasn’t really a good listener. I would always try to out talk him instead of listen to what he was saying to me. I was very defensive instead of being receptive and when I got in defense mode, I was VERY MEAN!!!
After discovering all these things about me that I knew could possibly cause issues in my next relationship, I started reading spiritual and self-help books, other than the Bible, to help me get through the healing process. I got online and went to Amazon.com and ordered a few of Iyanla Vanzant books. The one I loved the most was “In The Meantime” because I felt like it was so appropriate for my situation and waht I was going through. It really helped me understand the different stages of life and how to go through the healing process and come out stronger than ever.
The healing process was a very necessary for me as it wasn’t a time to place blame, but a time to see what I did wrong and understand the mistakes I made. It was also necessary so I wouldn’t be carrying any extra baggage into my next relationship. It was important for me to evaluate myself and also learn how to trust again. Understand that it wasn’t my that he cheated and that I did deserve to be loved and was capable of being loved.
Until next time.