The Single Life: Staying Single Too Long Has Its Effects
Every time I turn around, I see yet another person, especially women, hollering “team single” or “the single life” or “single and ready to mingle.” To be honest, when I was single, I was pretty much over it after the first year which ended up turning into almost 5 before I got into my new relationship back in September 2015.
Now don’t get me wrong, being single does have its perks, you get to do what you want to without having to answer to anyone, hang out with friends, get courted (if you actually date) and just have a ball, but lets face it, when the night falls, the single life isn’t so fun anymore.
Some chicks love the single life because they get to have tons of guys that have been chasing them to wine and dine them with dinner dates, expensive gifts, trips, etc, but if you’re like me, being single is the absolute pits because I don’t like dealing with multiple guys at one time. Most of the guys that like me I don’t like them and I’m really a simple girl.
When I split from my ex husband, I knew I was going to take a break. After being in a relationship and marriage for so long, it’s necessary, in my opinion, to take a little break to get yourself back together and free from any old relationship baggage, but little did I know it would last so long.
I left my ex back in May 2011 and woke up one day in 2014 and said I was finally getting a divorce and a year and a half later I was still single. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I dipped and dabbed a little with two guys during that time to get my necessary maintenance, but it was nothing serious. I wasn’t ready for all that nor was I looking forward to getting back into anything serious because I really didn’t want to at the time.
One day I realized just how much time had passed by and I was like ‘damn, if I don’t find me someone soon, I’m going to be alone forever’.
So, I met this guy back in July 2015 (around my birthday) and when we first saw each other it was on some friendship type ish. We never really said anything to each other out of the way or even acted like we liked each other or anything.
Fast forward to about a month later, we ran into each other again at a party and he asked me my name. I simply replied and kept it moving. We just kept running into each other and my bestie was like “y’all should hook up. You’re single and he’s single sooooo, why not?” I’m all like ‘girl please. I’m single and I’m gone stay that way. There’s nothing out here and I don’t have time for games and bullshit. I’m good.’
Me and this guy kept crossing paths and eventually we started kicking it as friends. Just hanging out doing the normal friend type shit. He was new in town so I would drag him along with me to hang out with family, friends and just see some exciting things in Atlanta. As time went on, I guess he was like “this chick pretty cool, I need to gone and snatch her up” because I posted a Facebook status once saying “It’s 11:11… Make a wish!!!” And then I got a text from him saying “I wish we were closer.”
Of course, I had no idea what he was talking about. Hell, I post shit on Facebook all the time, mostly random shit and get off there and forget all about it until I see folks commenting and saying nonsense in reply to what I said. I had to ask him what was he talking about and then he broke it down to me and told me he wanted to be closer on a more intimate level and move past being just friends.
Fast forward to today… We’re in a relationship (since September 2015) and have moved in together. Yes, that went kinda fast. NOW… I’m realizing that I was single WAY TOO LONG!!!!
Now why was I single for almost five years???? It’s not like there wasn’t anyone really checking for me, I just wasn’t interested. There were a few that I MIGHT have given a chance, but it was either too soon or I was just too scared. So why did I decide to give HIM a chance??? Honestly, I thought he was a really nice guy and he was new in town and I didn’t want anyone else snatching him from under me as my friend so kept making it a point to tell me when she was pushing towards us being more than friends.
Since we’ve been in a relationship, I’ve realized so much about myself and the fact that I was single way too long because I’m literally freaking out right now. Although I’m happy about my new relationship and am happy with him, I’m realizing how crazy I was for not giving this whole relationship thing a try before so much time has passed and here’s why…
Staying single too long has caused me to….
- Fear of getting into another relationship. The longer I was single, the more I was dreading getting in a new relationship. I kept thinking every guy was just out to get the “cookie” (which that’s the goal anyway, just saying) and that they were all up to no good. I thought they were either going to cheat or be like the last guy and I wasn’t up for being hurt again… PERIOD!!!
- Made me more selfish. We all have some selfish ways but they may not be as bad as we think they are. Being single for almost 5 years has definitely increased my level of selfishness. I never realized how I don’t like people touching my things or even using my things until now.
- Being bossy. I’m one of those girls who really believes in letting her man lead. I’m not really the bossy type, but I’ve been seeing some real bossy, nitpicking ways in me lately and that’s because the only person I’ve been having to deal with all this time is MYSELF!!!
- Hate sharing my personal space. Being in a relationship means you have to give up your personal space. I’ve always been big on personal space, but when you’re in a relationship, that’s not something that you want to have too much of. Yes, everyone needs their space, but too much space can cause problems in a relationship and leave room for someone else to move in on your mate.
- Forget how to be in a relationship. When I first decided to get into a relationship, it was a little awkward. I didn’t know what to expect and it was like I had to learn someone all over again. Learning a person’s likes and dislikes can be challenging at times. Trying not to be too overbearing and over caring has been one of my biggest issues since getting into my new relationship.
- Caused me to be clingy. For some reason, being in my new relationship has brought out the clingy-ness in me. I don’t remember being as clingy before, but I seriously hate being away from my man now. Even when we go to work, I can’t wait to get home just to snuggle up next to him in bed. Whenever he leaves to go hang with friends, etc., I find myself anticipating his arrival back home just so I can lay all under him.
- Caused me to be very cautious. It’s always good to be cautious, but being too cautious can be no fun. I’m always looking out for things and slick worrying about certain things as it relates to my mate and I wish I could turn it off because I don’t want to run him off. Being too cautious can keep you single and lonely. In love, you have to take risks. Determining if the person is worth the risk is all you need to do and just go for it. Go all in and make it work
These are just some of the things I’ve peeped about myself since being in a new relationship. What are some things you all have noticed about yourself after getting into a new relationship after taking a long break???
Latest posts by Meiqua Yushundra (see all)
- Movie TrailHER: Baywatch Starring Dwayne Johnson, Zac Efron & Priyanka Chopra - March 26, 2017
- Magazine CovHER: Future Billboard Magazine - March 26, 2017
- Nia Long & Taraji P. Henson Reportedly At War During ‘Empire’ Filming - March 23, 2017