Over the weekend, I hung out with some old friends and it kind of got me to thinking about a subject that me and my sister discuss all the time which is whether or not your man will be still attracted to you rocking your natural hair unkempt and walking about here looking like a little girl with all these ponytails and twist. Now don’t get me wrong, some women can rock the shit out of them, but I just ain’t one of them and furthermore, I like looking like a grown woman.
Black women have been on this whole “natural hair” streak for the last few years and I even jumped on board mainly because the chemicals were killing my scalp and stunting my hair growth. For years, I had been getting a relaxer and never had any issues with my hair growing, but I’ve always suffered a few burns from the chemicals every now and again. After wearing my hair short for a few years, I decided to grow it back because my ex-husband kept complaining about me cutting my hair so I decided to go ahead and grant his wish.
After my hair started growing back, I noticed that it would make it to my shoulders and then stopped. Now, I was always used to having back length hair and couldn’t quite figure out what the hell was going on with my hair and why it wouldn’t grow much past my shoulders, so I cut it again and started over and still it wouldn’t grow past my shoulders. After that last relaxer burnt my scalp damn near to a crisp, I decided to let them go, THEN, I went to Florida and washed my hair with some Herbal Essence and needless to say I was forced to do the big chop because that shit broke my hair all the way off in the middle I had NO CHOICE. Since then, I haven’t had a relaxer.
When I first got the big chop, I could tell my ex-husband was feeling some type of way. He would look at me all funny and ish and would ask me repeatedly how long was it going to take my hair to grow back. I had to tell him and explain to him over and over again why I even had to cut my hair short like that in the first place, but his ass just didn’t seam to get it.
As my hair started growing out, I was able to do a little more with it, but his ass still didn’t seem too satisfied or thrilled about it. It’s almost as if he wasn’t all that attracted to me anymore. Although I never thought to even ask at that time, now that I think about it I don’t think he really was. Once my hair got long enough to braid and wear sew-ins, I let go of the Florida Evans fro and started rocking weaves. That was how my hair really started to grow to what it is now, back length.
Black men are always screaming how they want an “all natural” woman, but I really don’t think that is the case. I know quite a few women who have experienced the same thing as I did with their husband/man/significant other losing attraction to them after taking their hair back to their natural state and even when they stopped wearing makeup.
Truth be told, most men want their women to remain the same girl they met and fell in love with and vice versa, but they don’t understand that sometimes, certain change is necessary and especially hair, for black women. Our hair is very different from any other race of women and yes, we wear weaves, but contrary to popular belief, white women wear more weaves than we do. Hell, they are the ones who invented the shit if you ask me.
Black men have a thing for hair for some reason and are so used to seeing black women rock weaves and things of that nature that when they see our hair in a natural state, they sometimes lose attraction to us and most of the time don’t even bother saying anything. On one side of it, I can kind of understand because some women go “natural” and thinks that mean they don’t have to comb their damn hair at all. I have seen some women that look like they haven’t touched their hair in days and just roll out of bed and keep it moving so hell I can’t blame their men for no longer being attracted to them. Natural hair doesn’t have to be nappy and unkempt.
Some “natural chicks” walk around with their hair all knotted and matted up with one of those bands around their head, pulling out all their damn edges, and just looking a mess. I dont’ get it.
Even though you all might not think this is important, but women seriously need to consult with their man before going natural because he may not be that attracted to you that much anymore once you do this especially if you are one who doesn’t even bother styling their hair. It’s no different than a man no longer being attracted to his woman if she gains weight.
Think about it…. If your man was to gain weight or start wearing his hair on his face completely shaved looking like a little boy, would you still be attracted to him? If he changed the way he dressed and you weren’t feeling it, would you feel some type of way?
Yes, it may be YOUR HAIR, but you have to still take into consideration how your man would feel about this change because how your hair was prior to the change is what he was attracted to and fell in love with. If you totally change your appearance, it could cause him to start looking elsewhere for the person he fell in love with in another woman.
For example, like I said earlier, this weekend I hung out with some friends and it was blatantly clear that a couple of the girls who were with us, who aren’t well kept, guys weren’t as attracted to them anymore. One girl in particular is a “natural chick” who doesn’t do anything to her hair. Her hair was knotted and matted up so bad it had lint balls all in the back of it. It looked very dry and unkempt, hell down right nasty like it hadn’t been washed in months. My sister and I, who are also natural, keep our hair either pressed or in cute protective styles, I was wearing my faux bun, and the guy kept looking at me and my sister the whole time while his chick was pretty much right there in front of him looking all sad and depressed because of her appearance and I KNOW she could tell because at some times he was staring which made me and my sister uncomfortable.
I know it may sound crazy, but as much as guys are always screaming how they want a natural chick it’s LIES unless they are a natural freak themselves. Guys are attracted to the female they first met which made them talk to you in the first place and expect to see that same woman all the time.
Ladies, before you make such a decision, be sure to talk to your man first. It’s hard enough trying to keep your man focused on you with all this social media, thirsty chicks and chicks willing to be side chicks so keeping up your appearance and an appearance that he loves and is proud of is really important. Just because you’re natural doesn’t mean your hair has to look nappy, dry, matted and unkempt. If you’re unsure what to do with your hair, you can always check out some natural hair blogs and styles on YouTube or even here from time to time I post about them. It doesn’t take a man much to lose interest but take a lot to keep his interest so do your best to keep him guessing. Don’t let India Arie make y’all lose y’all man screaming “I am not my hair”. Yes, hell you are and how well you keep up your hair and your appearance can make all the difference in how your man feels about you!