Is Shacking Up Before Marriage Really A Bad Idea???
Why by the cow when the milk is free??? A saying my mom drilled into me and my sisters growing up about shacking up before marriage. She was so big on getting married first then living together, but in this day and age, things have truly changed.
Before my now ex husband and I got married, we lived together. Although it was just a few short months, I learned quite a bit about him. One of the major things I learned was that we had VERY different cleaning habits. The other thing was that his credit wasn’t worth shit and that he couldn’t finance a piece of peppermint if he wanted to.
Since I had grown up hearing my mom saying shacking up was bad, I really didn’t want to live with a guy EVER. My ex husband was the very first man I had ever lived with and it was quite an adjustment. I literally had to learn how to live with him and furthermore merge the two different households we came from.
As I’ve gotten older and have experience two relationships where I lived with the person, I don’t think shacking up before marriage is all that bad of an idea after all. Here are some reasons why:
- You learn a lot about a person by living with them. When me and my ex husband first move in together before getting married is when I learned a lot about him. First thing I learned was that his credit was jacked up. He couldn’t finance a piece of peppermint when we met until I fixed his credit. I also learned about his cleaning habits. That thing used to drive me damn crazy walking around the house with shoes on from outside all over the house. He used to also take stuff off the floor and put it on my kitchen table which was a no-no for me. Lastly, it was when I learned about his spending habits. Another thing I learned was his spending habits. Since we were living together, I was able to see where his money was going. When we were living separate, I used to wonder why he was always having to borrow money from his mom in between paychecks. Come to find out, he was spending way too much money on eating out.
- Speaking of spending habits, you can save money while living together. If you and your current mate plan on being in a long term relationship, living together may be a good option. Instead of you both spending money on paying rent in two different places, you can move in together to save some money. Just think, if both of you are paying $900 a month each to live in separate places, you could at least save $900/month together by living together. This will give you all a chance to save for that dream wedding and honeymoon once you all get married. It can also help you save to buy a house. As long as you all have a common goal in mind and don’t pick up any extra debt together, this can really be a great thing.
- You’ll get a chance to see what they’ve really been up to. If you’ve ever wondered what your mate is doing when you’re not around, you’ll definitely get to see when living together. It’s harder for them to hide their sneaky habits when you’re in the same living space. I begin to notice a lot of slick things my ex husband used to do when it came to his phone and such once we moved in together. Until living together, I never knew how protective he was of his phone until we moved in together. I started to notice that he would take that thing everywhere with him. To the bathroom, to the kitchen, everywhere. Even when we were sitting on the couch watching a movie, it would be plastered to his hand. All of his lying and cheating ways came to surface which eventually ended our marriage.
- Testing the waters. Although a lot of people are starting to sustain from sex before marriage these days, some of us still want to know what it’s hitting like. Sex isn’t the most important part of a relationship, but it is an important part. Living together definitely makes sex more on demand. You’ll get to see if your mates sex drive is really as high as they’ve been claiming. Get a chance to see if they like trying new things, etc., before getting married. That was one of the issues I ran into myself. My ex didn’t want to try new things when it came to sex. Once we got married, it got even worse. Every time I wanted to try something new, I got questioned about it. “How you learn how to do that”? I mean damn, does it really matter? At least I’m doing it with you now.
I think the reason a lot of people condemn living together before getting married is because they feel like “shacking up” makes the couple too comfortable. By too comfortable, I mean to the point where they start feeling like marriage is just a “piece of paper”. Another reason is that it conflicts with their religious beliefs. Other reasons have to do with giving up their so-called freedom, but isn’t that the reason you’re getting married anyway? To give up that single life and share your life with the one you love???
These are just a few things to think about before you decide to condemn the idea of living together before marriage. It really has its benefits. If you and your mate both have a common goal, you can really make it work. In my opinion, it gives you an inside look on just how your relationship will be. It can definitely be beneficial in more ways than one.
What are your thoughts on living together before marriage? We’d love to hear from you!