Trust takes forever to build and only a second to destroy… ~Meiqua Yushundra~
Trust by definition means the firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something. If you’re in a relationship, you know that trust is one of the main factors that helps to keep your relationship strong, but what if you lose trust in your mate? Is it gone forever? Is it possible to rebuild? I say yes, but it’s truly going to take some time.
Placing your trust and confidence in a person takes a lot, especially if you’ve been hurt in a previous relationship. Although many of us deny it, we do carry baggage from one relationship to the next. It’s only natural to have a little doubt here and there but you have to go into new relationships with 100% trust no matter what happened in your previous relationship because if not, it can be very damaging to your current relationship.
If your mate/significant other breaks your trust, how do you get back to a place where you can trust them again is determined by the person who broke the trust in the relationship. Are they willing to do what it takes to regain your trust? Are they willing to reassure you that whatever it was that caused you to lose trust in them won’t happen again? Then this is how you start the process of rebuilding AFTER you consider these factors: is this relationship worth saving? Can you see yourself without this person? Is this person even worth the risk of getting hurt again?
If you’ve answered yes to all those questions, then it is very possible to rebuild trust in your relationship, just know that it is going to take some time and definitely going to take some patience. Here’s how you start to rebuild the trust:
Starting over fresh: Start over with a clean slate. What ever happened in the past leave it there and get back to the reason why you were attracted to and fell in love with your mate in the first place.
Leave the past in the past: If you’re going to move forward in your relationship and work on rebuilding trust, you have to leave the past in the past. Don’t keep bringing up the situation that caused you to lose trust in your mate because not only will it cause more issues and arguments, it will only continue to keep power over you and reopen wounds you’re trying to close.
Communicate more often: Here’s time for some much needed pillow talk. Talk to your mate and find out what’s going on in their heads to get to the root of what caused the trust to be damaged. Find out some things that were lacking in your relationship that may have caused your mate to stray and feel like someone else is a better fit in their life than you or what made the grass look so much greener on the other side.
Date and spend quality time with each other: Often times when we get in relationships, we’re too busy working, with the kids and trying to make sure we are taking care of the house, bills, etc., that we forget to spend quality time with each other. Date each other at least once a week and do things without the kids or worries of the house, bills, etc. Take some quiet time to even go for a walk in the park, have an intimate dinner or even fun things that will cause you to be like a kid again like paintball shooting, skating, etc. Just have fun.
Seek counseling: In the black community, counseling is something that is frowned upon, but is often needed. Seeking help from a professional, unbiased person to help really pull out of you and your mate the root of your issues. It will allow you to speak freely about your issues with your mate/relationship and force them to listen without creating an argument or having one of you walk out in an angry rage and not hear what the other one has to say.
Trust is very important in any relationship and at times it’s often compromised, but that doesn’t mean it has to end your relationship. When you truly find someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with, you will do whatever it takes to keep them around. There are too many relationships that end because people either don’t want to do the the work or thinking the grass is greener on the other side and end up losing one of the best loves of their lives because of it.
You have to be willing to treat your relationship like a beautiful flower and nourish it so that it can stay alive and continue to grow. Don’t be afraid to go the extra mile and to great lengths to save your relationship. It’s not about being a sucker for love, it’s about keeping the person you love close to you and in your life. The worst thing is seeing them happy with someone else that isn’t you.
Has trust been broken in your relationship? What have you done to rebuild the trust? We’d love to hear from you. Drop your comments below.