Remember when you first met your significant other? Everything was new and exciting. You’d make out in an elevator, you’d miss each other because it had been two hours, and every little text or phone call made your heart skip a beat. Now years later, you’re happy, you know them inside and out, but you’re comfortable. You wear sweatpants more than lingerie, you fight about stupid things and you have the same 14 minute sexual routine, every. single. time.
All these things don’t mean your relationship is doomed, it’s human nature. We all get there. Hell, I’m there right now and there’s something beautiful about the comfort level, but also something very boring about it,too.
So how do you fix it? How do you get back to a time when everything was sexual and charged?
The first thing to go always seems to be the make out sessions. In the beginning, you could make out for hours, now a few pecks work as an inadequate substitution. Bring back the excitement by taking the time to really kiss each other. Have make out sessions that don’t lead to anything else. Steal yourself away from moments and make out like you’re 16 again. There’s an immediate closeness and level of intimacy that rises the second you start making out.
Secondly, start going on dates again. Sure you guys run errands together, you eat dinner and watch TV together, but how often do you go out for drinks, movies, or bowling and it be just the two of you. Make an effort to change that. Plan outings again, make the time to get dressed up, hold hands when you go out…all these things can bring back the excitement you once had for each other.
Next, go back to lavishing your partner. At this point, you both know what you like and may have gotten lazy. Sure there’s the occasional heated and spontaneous sack session, but for the most part it’s the same ole, same ole. Change that up by spending more time on foreplay, giving them your undivided attention or incorporating a sensual massage. And don’t be afraid to bring in a new sex toy. Adding in even a small element of change can reignite your flame instantly. If you’re unsure of what to get, spend sometime searching online for something you and your partner could both be comfortable with; Adam & Eve is a great place to start.
Finally, get back to the details. Remember how you used to show up with little presents or you would surprise them by doing something small, but thoughtful for them? Now you’re both busy and in your routine, long gone are the tiny sentiments. Bring them back by surprising your partner with a small gesture that will help them out or buy them something they would like just because. This can help your partner feel special again.
There are so many beautiful things about long-term relationships, but they can quickly cease to feel special when you find yourself in a regimented routine. You might even start thinking about dating other people because you feel so stuck with this person. But they key is to treat it like its new again, go back to the way you were when you first met and I promise you can pull yourself out of your luck.